You can communicate in a more powerful and productive manner when you use distinctions, rather than generalizations

When you make distinctions, you can speak of a more accurate status for your relationship. You see the finer points in the world. You put the world in a different frame, outside the frame of negativity and reactivity. For example, you can say, “You made me feel bad when you forgot about our date,” or “I felt you didn’t care about me when you didn’t ask me how I was when I was sick.”

There’s a need to distinguish times wherein you didn’t feel love. At the same time, you also need to distinguish the times wherein you do. It’s very encouraging when you can speak out more appreciation in a more specific way. For example, “I really felt loved when you picked me up from work” or “I really felt loved when you made sure my favorite suit is clean for my big meeting.”

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