Picture this. A married couple is having breakfast.

“Love, I have to come home late, I have a business meeting.”
“Were you able to pick up my coat from the cleaners?”
“Yes, I did that yesterday.”
“Great. Thanks.”

The next morning, this was their conversation.

“Love, John needs you to buy him new shoes for his soccer season.”
“Okay, just take it out of the ATM and give it to him.”

Everyday, the conversation between this married couple sounds like this. It’s all descriptive of the present need or the tasks at hand. It’s all information. There’s nothing created. There’s nothing discussed. Is this how your conversations go?

No one distinguishes gratitude. No one distinguishes love. No one distinguishes excitement. In the conversation, everything was about transactional.

Distinction in conversations is about identifying something in greater depth through language. It is born out of intimate conversations. It cannot be reached when all you converse about are superficial talks about errands.
Within the relationship, there is a need to develop awareness for what each action is for. There’s a need to connect on a more personal level. Meaningful conversations create distinctions. How must this conversation look like if distinctions were made?

“Love, I have to come home late. I’m sorry I won’t be able to spend more time with you tonight.”
“Yes, I wish you can come home early. But I understand, I support you and I know you’re doing this for our family.
“Love, were you able to pickup my clothes from the cleaners?”
“Yes, I did that yesterday.”
“Great. Thanks Love, I appreciate you doing that for me.”
“Of course, I love doing things for you.”

The next morning, this was their conversation.

“Love, John needs you to buy him new shoes for his soccer season.”
“Do you need me to go help him pick it out or do you just me to give you money so he can buy himself?”
“It’ll be better if you go do it with him, so you can spend time together. You’ve been busy this week, and I hope you make time to just hang out with your son.”
“Alright, Love, I’ll schedule Saturday for that. I’m sorry I’ve been busy.”
“I understand. Thank you for doing this for John.”

When there are no distinctions, conversations are unclear. In the first conversation, the couple was not able to truly express what they’re feeling. Either one can distinguish the true state of emotions. What occurs when communication is unclear? Unworkability. Distinctions occur in language. Creating distinctions through language is intentional. It also helps in protecting the integrity of a conversation.


Discover How Language Occurs in Your Relationship Now

Fill in your information and get an eBook and personal prophecy by a prophet

Share this: